About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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