why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
