i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
