Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
