So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
