does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's like iHOP with fire
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
