i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize