i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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