Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
