and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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