Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
