I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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