Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Buhtt sex?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
