Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
