you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize