Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
