Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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