Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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