just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize