Jerry, you need to find god
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
