Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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