god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
