so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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