Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
