They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
