he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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