Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
