the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
