I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
