dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize