Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
