I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
