dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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