why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
