Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
