I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
