I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
