Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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