Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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