she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
