BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Two words: blizzard sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
