You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
