got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
