I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
