Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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