Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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