I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
