...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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