i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
