i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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