Is it normal to miss your booty call?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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