based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
