drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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