shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
