i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
