I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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