Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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