happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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