Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
