1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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