ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
